• All students can practice writing additional model sentences. Choose sentences that have good description and an interesting structure and then have students practice imitating them. Have them work in groups so that they can have immediate feedback from others as they work. Have them work through at least three additional sentences. (It is a good idea to keep a folder with sample sentences that you would like students to model. Collect samples as you read them, and record possibilities for future reference.)
• During the lesson, keep the focus on developing details to show the impact of a particular place. Assess students as they participate in the oral sharing and analysis of sensory details. Also, observe them as they record details after the visualization exercise and as they begin work on the model sentence.

Focus Question: How do we develop descriptive details?

Students will be developing additional details for the place whose impact they will be describing. Tell them that they will begin with sensory details from the previous lesson.

Have pairs or small groups of students share aloud a favorite sensory detail from their assignment. After everyone has shared one, ask the class to select a few that they remember clearly and put them on the board/screen. Ask what makes each one memorable (concrete details, word choice, figurative language, unexpected observations).

Next, provide students with another strategy for adding to details about this particular place. Have students close their eyes and lead them in a brief simulation to help them revisit the place they are describing. Pause a few moments after each question so that they have time to think. Say to students: “Picture the place you are describing. Look around you very slowly, from left to right. You are noticing everything so that you can include all of the details in a painting. Are living creatures a part of the scene? What do you see? Now, focus on the sounds. Even if you think the place is very quiet, there will be sounds—birds, distant voices, the sound of a door closing. If it is a noisy place, try to separate the sounds. Are some of them louder or higher in pitch than others? What are they? How do they make you feel? Now think about the smells. Is there any scent at all connected with your place—the aroma of bread baking, the rank smell of garbage left too long, the fragrance of flowers?”

“Next, consider the textures connected to your place—perhaps the crackle of dry fall leaves or the smoothness of new leaves, or the scratchiness of a wool sweater against your arm, or the smooth leather of a bus seat where you are seated. What textures are part of the scene? Last is taste. Are you seated in a fast food restaurant, or an ice cream shop, or perhaps at the dinner table? Are there any tastes associated with your place?”

Wait a few moments, and then have students open their eyes and list as many new details as they have thought of during the exercise. They don’t need to worry about word choice—just have them list the details quickly before they forget. While they are working, you can help anyone having trouble.

When they have finished listing (2–3 minutes), put up on the board/screen examples of effective metaphors and similes that use interesting sentence structure and concrete word choice. Examples are listed below, but you can come up with your own:

• “He was ten inches long, thin as a curve, a muscled ribbon, brown as fruitwood, soft-furred, alert.” (Dillard’s description of a weasel)
• “Sometimes I rambled to pine groves, standing like temples, or like fleets at sea, full-rigged, with wavy boughs, and rippling with light. . . .” (Thoreau, from Walden)

Tell students, “Now, look at Annie Dillard’s description of a weasel. What do you think is effective about it?” Let them come up with the choice of concrete nouns like “curve” and “ribbon” and “fruitwood” and specific adjectives like “muscled,” “soft-furred,” “alert.” Be certain that someone identifies the similes (“thin as a curve” and “brown as fruitwood”) and the metaphor (“a muscled ribbon”), but give students time to do it. Don’t just tell them—let students think and work it aloud.

If necessary, keep asking questions, like “What things does Dillard compare? Why are the comparisons good ones? What do you better understand because of the comparison? How does the comparison make you feel about the weasel?” Also, call students’ attention to the unusual structure of the sentence: simple basic sentence (“He was ten inches long”), followed by simile/metaphor/simile/adjective/adjective. This is important because you will be asking them to write a sentence modeled on this one or on Thoreau’s sentence. When they have finished discussing Dillard’s sentence, follow the same process with Thoreau’s sentence. (And notice that you could do this with other sentences taken from reading in class or from favorites of your own.)

“Now that we have taken a close look at the way two writers have described their topic, choose either Dillard’s sentence or Thoreau’s as your model. Use that structure to compose a sentence describing a detail about the place you have chosen. Make your word choice as specific as possible and use concrete nouns. Make two copies of the sentence, one for me and one for you to use with your classmates.”

Extension:

• Students who might need an opportunity for additional learning after the visualization exercise can review a few of the remarks you made to guide their thinking; have students list at least a few details.
• With the model-sentence assignment, students who might need an opportunity for additional learning may need for you to repeat examples of metaphors and similes, as well as examples of concrete word choice. Post examples of all three types where they can be easily seen.
• The matter of sentence structure may create problems for some students. Keeping the focus on describing one person/thing may also be challenging. If necessary, gather a group and work with it, step-by-step, as students build their model sentences, maintaining the patterns of the original sentences.